so what’s next? since you must know…

we must keep moving.

what happens today remains good for today, but continue to graduate into more. laws of nature dictate we in the animal kingdom will move from order to disorder: we are born up and then begin our fall into decay, wrapping up in our inevitable demise. this will veritably occur in each portion of ourselves if we do not make intentional actions towards improvement. allow me to expand: if i stop exercising, i mentally move into a place of lethargy and eventually grow lax on my good dietary aspirations (in other words, my cravings for celery slowly give way to an insatiable appetite for cookie dough). at this point, it is only a matter of days before i loose all desire to wear running shoes and watch my body swell with l-b’s. if i neglect my curiosity and the many unread books on my shelf (or in my case, in a pile on my floor, for i do not own shelving), i quickly find myself indulging in forms of entertainment that turn my mind to mush: reality tv and aimless internet searches. my normal efforts to counteract thermodynamics’ curse of entropy in my life puts me on a constant course of relentless treading. routine maintenance rather bores me, and it usually ends in some existential crises where i wonder “what is it all really for?” and i can easily settle into a comfortable place of indifference regarding the present.

thus the same course could easily ensnare me with regard to my life experiences: i went to thailand, had a robust time, and now i carry around my picture book and journal full of “this is from that one time i went after God’s best for my life.” i do not want this to be the case. i will not let it be the case. God’s desire for us is not to merely live good lives, but to live abundantly. as i remain active–actively allowing Him to pour His grace out on my life and actively pursuing after His love and power–i continually step into more life, into abundance. my part is to answer the invite, “come, follow Me,” with either an “i will go” or a “no thanks, i’m good.”

well i say: yes please.

for me, this entails physical relocation. as my spirit and mind keeping running, so must my heart go with them. and seeing as my heart is very much connected to all my other anatomical features, my body must also move. so we come to the question stirring on all of the tips of your tongues: what are you going to do next?

texas.

fort worth, texas, to be exact.

the convergence school of supernatural ministry in fort worth, texas, to really answer your question.

before you start your skeptical inquiries into the name of the school and begin wondering if i have enrolled in hogwarts and received a wand upon registration, i must assure you, i kind of have. not in the fantastical sort of way that only exists in children’s  novels (though walking through the wardrobe to meet mr. tumnus at the lamppost has always been a real dream of mine), but of the same type that exists in a very real way in books such as genesis, 1 samuel, acts, revelation and the like–you know, in the bible. if you examine your belief regarding God, i assume most of you would agree on the characteristic supernatural, yes? furthermore, you may also agree that His actions in your lives are often supernatural in nature. oh good–me, too. i do not want my life to be full of my own plowing efforts against sin and sickness, i want God to use me supernaturally (there’s that word again) to see His kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. i do not want the laws of nature to be my standard of living, but for God’s glory to be my hope for myself and those around me: to see the sick healed, the dead raised, lepers cleansed and demons cast out. this is what the school goes after: learning how to allow the Holy Spirit to work in the way of His choosing for His glory through my life, wherever i may be and whatever i may do post-hence. i am the Lord’s, and i want to walk with Him.

answering God’s call to come and follow quickly grows in the realm of the impossible, naturally speaking. why? because God love us and He wants our joy to be made full. He calls us to have faith, to trust Him, so He may move us into glory with every step of obedience we take. after writing my application for the school, i prayed with God and said to Him, “i believe this is where You want me to go next, if i’m not hearing You right, then do not let me get in. if i get in, i’m taking that as a green light, and going.” so of course the application takes months to process instead of the expected weeks; of course my summer job opportunities did not rake in the projected dough; of course i did not have the funds for tuition (or even the gas to get to there); of course i had to get new brakes and tires one week before leaving.  and then i am asked point blank: will you still go? He got me in, so i must obey my promise to Him–and go. just in the getting there, this school is already proving to be a bit supernatural.

and so i begin to pack, and a couple people are led to support me with some monetary gifts. i get my ’89 camry in working order, knowing it will take a miracle for kazu to make it these next 1600 miles cross-country. getting into my car, i set out on the journey east (via the central coast to pick up my road companion)–still short for the first tuition payment due in a few days–and drive. somewhere around arizona and new mexico, i check my bank account online: i have enough. no deposits made, there is just more money in my account. of course. we arrive in texas, automobile in full working order. of course. i get a job here less than four days upon settling in. of course. because when God calls, He also equips. and now i know for sure i am where i am supposed to be, with an extra measure of faith as an add-on. all i had to do was walk where He asked.

if this is how He brings me, i cannot imagine what He will do while i am here, except that it will be:

awesome

(and i guess supernatural, too).

and all this for the purpose of redeeming my severed relationship with the One who is love, just as Jesus covers peter’s denial of Him with an expression of love in John 21. He must ask peter three times—if He were to do less the restoration would not be complete. He must re-establish the love bond before moving forward and leaving to sit beside His Father in heaven.

peter is grieved in part because of God’s grace for redemption—“it is the kindness of the Lord that leads us unto repentance”—he was so touched by Jesus’ love for him and by his grown love in return that peter’s heart moves to repent and is restored upon the third profession, “Lord, You know all things; You know that i love You.” it is also here that peter hands over the last of his-will-apart-from-God’s; it is his last possession sold. now he must give them to the poor (“tend my sheep”) and follow Jesus; now he has seen the crucifixion and understands the cost of loving Jesus. he has already experienced the utter misery of denying his love for God and here moves to deny himself, take up his cross, and follow his God. this passage is the point no return for peter: his natural human sympathies find him first caught by grief, just as the rich man was, but peter does not stop there—this very well may be the first time in his life he follows through—he admits his love, solidifying his faith for when Jesus departs. the Holy Spirit will have a completely surrendered human being to inhabit at pentecost, the vessel readied—full of love and void of sin—the perfect environment for the Spirit of God to move freely through.

so here i stand, walking alone the shore after breakfast with jesus and he asks, a third time, “do you love me?”

yes, lord, you know that I do.

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